Guilty
by toledo girl
Summary: Late at night, Cuddy thinks back on her past and ends up calling on someone. A huddy one shot.


Blood. That was the sign that gave it all away. That and the feeling, she knew that something was wrong. The physical pain and the emotional feeling of loss. The baby was no longer. That had just been confirmed a few hours ago.

At the moment, she had stopped caring about everything. Her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail while she wore sweat pants and a loose t-shirt. She sat on the couch in her dark living room with the shades pulled closed over the windows. There was only enough light to see the outline of the glass in her hand, and the bottle on the table. Even though right now was not the best time for her to be drinking, she felt she deserved it. When one continues to try even after countless losses and setbacks, there was a time where you settled for what you could get and found a way to be happy with it. The alcohol in her hand, was her way of allowing herself to settle and deal with the current situation.

Looking down, she spotted her phone on the table before her. There was one person that was stuck in her mind, more important, one event. She had to call him. Now.

Sitting up, she took the glass and gulped the last of it's contents before setting it down on the table and replacing it with the phone that she picked up and dialed. It had to be one of the only numbers that she knew by heart, but she would never admit that to him.

Anxiously, she waited. With each ring, she grew more nervous and considered hanging up. The moment that he answered though, all her worries seemed to go away, at least for the moment.

"Cuddy?" House gruffly questioned, slightly sitting up in bed.

Cuddy hesitated before responding. The nervousness was starting to gradually come back. "House?" she choked out.

"You better be naked and waiting for me, or someone had better be dying," House informed her.

Cuddy desperately wanted to just hang up, but she couldn't. No matter how annoyed he was with her right now, she still had to tell him. She had gotten herself up to this point, now she had to be able to finish the conversation. "I have to tell you something," she announced, holding back tears.

"What is it?" House implored, trying to speed up the conversation.

Cuddy's lip quivered as she looked for the right thing to say. The perfect way to tell him what she needed to tell him. A simple way of getting rid of the secret that she had kept with herself for all these years. "I'm sorry," she nearly gasped out, trying to hide the fact that she was starting to sob. Right after the words were out, she hung up the phone.

House heard the line disconnect and pulled his phone away. It was obvious to him that she was crying, and it was also evident that she had been drinking. Sighing, he sat up and threw the covers off of himself.

Cuddy tossed the phone onto the table and curled up on the couch. The tears leaving her eyes as if a dam had finally busted from the pressure. There was no way to stop it. She hugged her knees tightly to her chest, feeling like it was her only security against the pain that she was feeling. The empty loss. It was all a bitter reminder of twenty years ago, and even though it was long ago, everything, every detail was still fresh in her mind as if it were permanently engraved.

_Cuddy paced the floor of her college dorm room. Her pajamas on and her hair pulled back. Her slippers would occasionally slide along the carpet. It was the middle of the night, and the only person that she knew was up with her was her best friend, Carol. _

_Carol, who sat on the edge of Cuddy's bed, kept her tired, brown eyes on her friend. "I have no problem being here for you and all, but do you think that you could at least stay still for ten seconds?" she questioned. _

_Cuddy shook her head. "No," she anxiously stated, her glossed over eyes and slightly paler than normal face nervously staring straight ahead of her. Her hands were occupied by a wrapped that she played with. _

_Carol laid back and groaned. "Come on Lisa. Getting yourself this worked up is not going to change the outcome," she informed her. _

_Cuddy sighed, trying to calm herself down, but failing. "What do I do if it's positive?" she implored, hoping that maybe her friend could offer her an answer that she liked. _

_Carol sat back up and shrugged. "I do have an Uncle that could take care of you. He does abortions for other girls, I don't why he couldn't do one for you for a lot cheaper," she offered. _

_That was one choice. Cuddy still didn't feel all that comfortable with it though. The instruments and all, it just seemed too shady or something. She didn't trust it. Then again, if it turned out that she was pregnant, she might start to trust it more. She was still an undergrad, and was hoping to get into medical school. There was so much ahead of her, so much that she wanted to accomplish, she couldn't stop now. That and the fact that her parents would be devastated, and they would be mad at her, and her dad might stop paying for her to go to college if all she was doing was fooling around with boys. _

_One thing that her mother had told her, was to make sure to keep up on her birth control. She had started right after high school. She was also told to make sure that a condom is worn. Apparently though, even when used together, it wasn't a guarantee that you wouldn't get pregnant. _

_"Time's up!" Carol announced, bringing Cuddy back to where she was. "You want me to get it and read it to you?" she offered. _

_Cuddy turned to her and gently nodded. While Carol went to go get the test, she forced herself to sit down on the bed. It was only seconds before Carol stepped out of the bathroom holding the test. Not even long enough for her to prepare herself for each outcome. Negative wouldn't take much preparation, that was the outcome she favored. It was positive that she would have to brace herself for. _

_Carol stood before her and solemnly looked up from the test. "I'd better call my Uncle in the morning," she announced. _

_Cuddy caught on. It was positive, the answer that she didn't want. Blankly, she just stared. It was all so much to handle for one night. "No," she softly gasped. _

_"You mean you wanna keep it? Cus' I'm okay with that, but it doesn't really affect me nearly as much as it does you. Besides, does the father want anything to do with it?" Carol asked. _

_Cuddy snapped out of her daze and glared over to Carol. "You know damn well that Greg wants nothing to do with this. Besides, we only dated a week, he broke up with me yesterday," she explained. _

_Carol looked to her with sympathy. "So what do you want to do?" she gently implored. _

_Cuddy shrugged. "I guess you can call your Uncle. Just make sure that no one finds out. I don't want my parents hearing about this," she flatly stated. _

_Carol nodded and then set the test down on the dresser. "You gonna be okay?" she inquired as she sat down beside her and put her arm around her. _

_"Yeah," Cuddy answered without any emotion. _

_One week later…._

_Cuddy laid on her bed, curled up. She had the procedure done. She shouldn't feel scared anymore, but she did. _

_There was a knock at the door that got her to sit up. "Who is it?" she questioned. _

_"Greg!" _

_Cuddy sighed, this was not the person she wanted to see right now. "It's open," she told him. _

_House opened the door and walked in. "Hey Lisa," he greeted. "I thought I would let you know, I didn't make it into the research lab program," he announced. _

_"i'm sorry," Cuddy bitterly replied. _

_"Sounds like someone's ass was bitten today," House remarked. "Of course, I can understand why," he added, starting to tilt his head to try and get a view of her butt. _

_Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Why did you come here?" she snapped. _

_House quickly looked up to her. "The only reason I broke up with you in the first place was because research would take up a lot of time. I'm not in it though, so I thought maybe we could just pick up where we left off," he suggested. _

_Cuddy just looked up to him. When he had broken up with her, she hadn't completely hung onto the reasoning, instead, she just knew that they were done. Now, he was sitting there telling her that he wanted back with her. A smile started to appear, but she quickly wiped it away. The baby. She never told him about the baby. Guilt started to wash over her. "I don't think so," she gently declined. "I'm sorry. I'm just busy now and I think it would be best if I just didn't have a boyfriend right now." _

_House looked to her, disappointed. "All right," he replied and then started for the door. "We can still do dinner tonight though if you want. I'm paying," he offered, stopping before the door. _

_Cuddy shook her head. "I already have plans," she lied. _

_"Okay," House responded and then left. _

Cuddy lay there on the couch, staring into the darkness that surrounded her. Without even realizing it, she had gone through most of the bottle already.

The doorbell rang, causing Cuddy to sit up and look over towards the door. She had no idea what it was right now, but really did not care. She stood up and slightly stumbled as she made her way to answer the door. "House," she gasped.

House stood out there on the front porch. "Sorry you lost the baby," he stated, looking around the house.

Cuddy shook her head and then started to slowly make her way into the kitchen. "It happens," she stated.

House stepped in and closed the door behind him. "You sure as hell didn't waste any time feeling sorry for yourself before you hit the bottle," he mumbled.

Cuddy stopped in the hall and turned back to face House. She slumped over to the side, leaning her shoulder against the wall. "I should be the one saying sorry," she confessed.

House sighed. "Don't. I get drunk calls the time at two in the morning," he remarked.

"That's not what I was talking about," Cuddy informed him, tears rimming her eyes once more. "I'm sorry about your baby, the one that you didn't even know you had."

House looked to her with confusion as he approached her. He figured that it was just the alcohol, but he wanted to make sure. He stood before her and carefully watched her. "What exactly are you talking about?"

"You're mad!" Cuddy exclaimed, her eyes wide open and mouth slightly agape. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know you wanted the baby that much. I mean, we were both young and still in school," she started to dribble on.

House put the pieces together and stood back. "You were going to have my baby while we were in college," he flatly stated. He was more than a little surprised to find this out. Also, a little guilty.

Cuddy nodded. "But I got rid of it before anyone even knew I was gonna have it," she informed him through tears.

House grabbed Cuddy's shoulders and started guiding her towards her bedroom. "I think it's time for you to go to bed," he announced. It was obvious that this was something that she did not want him knowing about. She had kept it a secret from him for all this time.

"I'll probably never have one. All cus I lied to you," Cuddy announced.

"Doubt that," House replied as he helped her to bed. "Now got to sleep," he ordered.

"Sure," Cuddy replied and then turned over.

The next morning, Cuddy woke up, her head pounding and the sunlight blinding. She turned over and saw a note on her night stand. She reached out and grabbed it. "Take these" was printed on it, along with three aspirins on the table with a glass of water. She sat up and did as the note instructed.

After a few moments, she pulled herself out of bed and headed out into the living room. On the couch, there was a stuffed puppy with a red bow wrapped around it's neck, along with another note. Sighing, she padded over to the couch and sat down as she swiped the note and unfolded it. "There, I invested in the baby that you're going to have. And don't feel guilty. You were scared," she read out loud to herself.

There was no need for him to sing the note, she already knew who it was from. House. Softly smiling, she set the note back down and leaned her head back on the couch. "Thank you," she whispered.

**There it is, just a small one shot. Let me know what you think about it.**


End file.
